3 numbers: The 24th, 40th and 81st

A celebration of the life and times of my Dad: Arch S.O. Umeh.

It’s an unlikely title, especially for the 1st of September you’ll say.

But stay with me, I’ll unpack these numbers as they’ve been circling in my head for a while. We start from the second number — 40 because that is where the story begins.

40th

I turned 40, earlier in the year. I had planned how I was going to celebrate seeing that I hardly celebrate birthdays. My melancholy always seemed to take over my birthdays as I spend the day mostly mulling over if the results I have are commensurate with the hard work I’ve put in my life so far.

Then somewhere along the line, I thank God for his blessings and the day ends unceremoniously.

But I planned for this year to be different. Starting with a visit to my Dad to have one of our famous discussions. This one was going to be deep, I was going to have it on video, ask him all the hard takes and glean all the wisdom I needed to face the 40s. I planned the trip to be about Easter.

Well, it didn’t happen. Feb 17th happened.

Thursday happened.

Before Thursday, an emergency trip to the hospital on Wednesday evening happened. My Dad had to be placed on admission.

And after that Thursday, there was a flurry of activities; flights, Ubers, hurried road trips, mortuary visits, committees, and meetings.

Thousands of phone calls.

My Dad ended his time here and passed on.

So when the birthday came about a month later — I was blank, angry, rational, furious then blank again. Before the day ended — I resolved I’ll behave differently and still celebrate. But this time, I’ll swap my celebration for his birthday later in the year.

My Dad at his 80th birthday photoshoot. He always had this smile usually accompanied by almost closed eyelids :)

24th

This is how 24th came into the picture.

My Dad was born 81 years ago, on the 24th of August. The 24th of last year was a big milestone. Not just for my Dad, but for everyone in my family.

My Dad had 7 siblings, 6 of who have passed on. We didn’t have the privilege of celebrating this milestone for them. I think my Dad wasn’t expected to ‘last’ this long, as his health had been a major concern for a really long time.

In the characteristic African male fashion, he also didn’t pay attention to his birthdays. You’d bust into his room on the morning of his birthday singing at a feverish pitch and he’d just wear a flat smile.

But he caught the bug last year, he told every and anybody he was turning 80, 8 decades! We started planning for his 80th party immediately after his 79th birthday. There were photoshoots, Aso-Ebi*, a reunion, things, and things.

We did all these whilst trying to observe Covid requirements and restrictions.

But early last year, my Mum tragically lost her siblings so those preparations were halted. We resumed much later until my Dad called it off.. he felt it was not right to celebrate the way we had planned to.

81st

So I thought we would move the celebrations to this year, his 81st. We would have a very Shindy year with all the milestone celebrations lined up.

I thought wrong. But that is why those 3 numbers have been circling my head. The 24th, 40th, and 81st.

I wrote a lengthy tribute to him for the laying-to-rest brochure ( I can’t seem to say burial.. it just feels less terminal to say laying-to-rest).

This is an excerpt…

‘You are the kind of father little girls pray for when they come into the earth.

My earliest, fondest memories of you started when I was a little girl.
I’d wait for you to come back from work and sit beside you as you ate lunch
You’d occasionally pour a little of your beer for me, as we discussed anything, nothing, and everything.’

Hehehe… It’s very weird I don’t drink as an adult right, 1- 0 for Parenting gurus. But I digress.

Perhaps I’ll retain the 24th as my unofficial birthday date. August is a celebration month in my house already, so adding another reason to order another cake and more party Jollof won’t hurt.

Both of our kids were born in August. Our 1st wedding anniversary is in August; a lot of Nigerians have like 3 or 4 wedding anniversaries. Don’t be like us :).

Anyways, this year we marked the 10-year milestone of showing up (almost) daily to make the marriage tick. It looks like just a few years ago.

So it makes sense to keep the 24th, to celebrate my Dad and one of the most awesome people he sired — Me!

Live forever, Daddy! I miss you terribly.

I managed to take a few pictures this last vacation :), consider this an official 40th picture (sorry for you, if you were expecting a power Linkedin pose .. lol).

As usual thanks for reading, I should have another serious Fintech article up next. These Digital banks have been on my mind.

Until then .. stay safe and curious.